Buaya and Ayam Club
(updated as at 8th November 2011)
Meet the buayas and ayams that you may bumped into on the golf courses around the country.
You can also see what they look like now at the bottom (as some may have gone for plastic surgery!!!)
Aznan - currently claims to playing to handicap of 18, though his handicap card is rarely updated.
The one on the left is how he would look like when he is eyeing his victim (or he could be looking at the legs of some women), and the one on the right is before he turned into a buaya. See the big difference. He is now with KFC, so he’s very comfortable with ayams, any variety, with feathers and without feathers. He is into mining now, since he joined MMC. I don’t know what he’s mining though!!!
Ang Ting Kang - the ageing buaya - the teeth may still be there, but there's no more bite - body is aching all the time - always rubbing some ointment on his back before every game - and slowly turning to Viagra. Also known as the “Jaguh Kampung” at Glenmarie. Always doing well there, but take him to another course, he crumbles like bread crumbs. Keeping going to Hatyai. He claims it’s golf….hmmmm..you make your own conclusion, especially when he’s still single.
Handicap – 12 (at his kampong Glenmarie). His handicap has gone up to 17. That’s what retirement do to you!!!
He has also changed his regular destination to China. Wonder why?? Anything to do with a “China Doll”?
Ungku Razak, the best 23
handicapper in the world. Here he is seen describing all the missed birdies and
pars - yet despite that, still asking for strokes from everybody. He has just
decided to retire early from
Lew Lup Seong - the towkeh - supposedly playing to 22, but beginning to amass quite a number of prizes in tournaments in 2002. Watch those hands - he must have just seen a new ayam and just waiting to "cekik" the ayam. Became a champion of Division B in the 2004 Bursa Malaysia-FPLC Tournament recently. Need I say more. Hardly bet too, unless you want to play 3-1-1 ringgit. An exemplary money-man.
Our friend has also retired from work, and can be found at the Rahman Putra Golf Club sharpening his teeth
Yew Kim Keong - YKK - the
zipper - see the difference before he bites you (on the left) and after he has
eaten you on the right. Buayas normally get very
thirsty after a big meal, that's why you see two "double" watermellon juice in front of him.
Recently made a CIO-Operations of
Another Bursa retiree. Now into Data Centre work. Wonder what kind of data he’s into now?
Rudi Nazaruddin - the iceberg - always cool - the master of short game - and the master at baccarat - the only way to beat him is to take him to a long course and avoid playing him at the Mines and Glenmarie, unless you are a masochist and enjoy being slaughtered. Enjoys bullying TK, especially when TK is about to do a “panadol” putt, but then everybody expects TK to miss the “panadol” putts.
Handicap – 12 (but can play single at Mines, so go figure…)
Also sort of retired from corporate world, and now running a small IT outfit. Now plays to 16, but can still chip like Phil Mickelson!
Syed Najib - the brother in law of the iceberg - never invite him to play if you know that he is going out drinking the previous night - otherwise you will receive a call from him at 6 a.m. in the morning to tell you that he has not gone home yet. Spends his time mostly in Jakarta nowadays. He says, its work, but I suspect he is hiding from the buayas.
This man is no longer chasing the ladies in Jakarta. He is KL based now and has gone into tennis!!! I supposed he has given up hitting small and hard golf balls, and prefer bigger and softer tennis ball. That’s what age do to you.
Sharkawi - the shark - formerly the best 17 handicapper in the world, now the best 15 handicapper in the world - if playing with him expect him to turn up about 5 minutes from tee off time, and he wants to have breakfast/lunch first - if you are really unlucky, he left his golf shoes/ sun glasses at home, and he has to go back to get them. Now retired from his job as a regulator, he is full-time on the Senior Tour. No wonder the seniors are having a tough time, with him around. Stay away from him, if you don’t want to get slaughtered and if you want to start teeing-off on time.
On the Senior Tour now, and hardly seen at KLGCC.
Koh Boon Keat, alson known as “Young Man”. He’s the son of a veteran of the stockbroking industry. Used to drive with only a three wood, and longer than most people’s drivers. Now that he is playing to 13, he’s using a driver. Very, very straight drives, but has the tendency to break down in the middle of the game. TK will always say, “Don’t worry, his wheels will come off one…”
A family man now, and prefer to spend his weekend with the family. Don’t worry, he’ll get bored with that soon.
Auslan, the “Os Man”. Long drives, but never take risk on the course. If you are playing baccarat with him, don’t expect him to “double”. When his game is bad, he will be very very quite in the buggy. Can easily play to 10.
Datuk Nik (Nick Faldo is my cousin) Din. This is one of the most dangerous buayas you will find on the course. His handicap is now 24, but on a good day, he can play to 18!! And ever since his stroke 14 years ago, he has been constantly asking for strokes from me!!! Giving him 8 strokes is definitely a suicide mission for me, but that’s what I have to put up with.
To be honest, I would not call Eric Lee, my good friend a buaya, but I don’t think I have met anyone more serious than my friend when he is playing golf. His handicap is 16 now, but on a good day, he can play to 12. His drive is long, though not as long as Damien (Long John) Yeoh, but he can still frighten the shit out of you with his straight drives.
James (the ever smiling salesman) Kwai. I have covered about him in the Buaya and Ayam News. But just to re-iterate, he is one potential buaya. I hate to call him a buaya, as he is such a nice person. But golf may be a game for gentlemen, but as most golfers would know, when you are on the golf course, there’s no such thing as “nice”. His handicap is 16 currently, but like what I have reported he could easily play to 12 on a good day.
Mohd Fahizul Khairi, the Bosnian, or MFK or “Mother XXXXXX”. Since I don’t have his photo on file (actually I do), the one on the left is the closest resemblance. Anyway, that’s how he celebrates when he put in a long putt. He has not taken off his clothes yet on the course, but it’s just a matter of time. He has demanded that he be upgraded to a “Buaya” from “Ayam”. So what can I say!! Just be careful!!! He no longer uses his shocking green putter. So that must be another sign. Plays a few times a week now and giving people strokes!!!! Do I need to give any more warnings???? I have also refused to give him more than 2 strokes. An ayam turning into a buaya is one thing, but an ayam demanding to be known as a buaya, that’s a dangerous thing!!!
The following are the other buayas and ayams that you may encounter on the golf courses in KL. Due to their notorieties, they have requested that their photos are not published. But you won’t have problems recognizing them.
1. Jeffery (Two Towels) Fok
He is easily recognizable from the two towels hanging from his pants. Don’t ask me why he has two towels, but I have been told that without the two towels, he will refuse to proceed to the tee-box. He has a long term contract with me where he gets four strokes, though we only play together maybe twice a year, due to his popularity with other golfers. He keeps blaming him!! But let me tell you, if you have played with him before, you will also try to avoid him like me. Based in Vietnam now. I wonder why?? Not that many golf courses there. Maybe cheaper towels there!!
2. TK Goh (Uncle)
He is the wise old man of golf. Looks tired nowadays, but has a very long drive. Despite having a heart attack a few years back, and thus resulting in him giving up smoking and drinking, he is still hitting it long. A long term partner of Two Towels, but I heard he is very unhappy with Two Towels who always falls apart at the last hole. The partnership has become too expensive for Uncle’s liking. Plays to 12. Still as reliable as ever.
3. Ow Yong Min Che (The Blind Kung Fu Master)
This is the man that plays with “feel” alone. One eye is glass, and the other only has 20% vision. If you walk pass him, and he ignores you, don’t be upset. He lost his vision during a freak accident on the gold course. However the conspiracy theorists have quite a few theories on the accident, apparently something having to do with him winning too much money. No proof has been put forth so far, so the jury is still out. Don’t be fooled by his lack of vision. Why do I call him the Blind Kung Fu Master. Just watch the movie!! He can feel the course!! Still feeling the course with his “bat like” sensors.
4. Damien (Long John) Yeoh
You want to see a John Daly drive, play with him! He is a single handicapper. He can put it two on (regularly!!!) on the par 5, 5th hole on the West Course, KLGCC. I can tell you that even Tiger Wood will have a tough time doing that. As many of you would know, even if you have a long drive, the green is well protected by a large pond. I have only done it once, and it almost gave me a heart attack. This guy really takes his golf seriously. If you don’t believe me, just go to the driving range. He’s not only practicing his swing, he’s even got his wife there video-taping him!! Let’s hope that’s all that they are using the camcorder for.
5. Eugene Loke (The descendent of Loke Chow Kit)
This man used to frighten so many people on the course with his betting. Who would not be frightened, he practically bought his BMW 5 series with his winnings!!! He stopped for a while, after suffering losses so much that he almost pawned his 5 series. Apparently he went on secret training sessions (with the video camera as well!!), and he is back with a vengeance. He is a single handicapper now, so be very careful!! From BMW, he has moved to Cayenne, and has the cheek to want to “play square” with me. Now, how dangerous is that?
Then and Now
You would not believe how some of these guys look when they were younger and still trying to be buayas, or before they turned into ayams. Some of the transformations are quite drastic. So if that is not plastic surgery I don’t know what is. I swear there has been no use of any Adobe Photoshop software to change anything.
Ang Ting Kang in his hippie days
Must be wondering what iron to hit now that he is getting old and no longer being able to hit long and straight
Ku Rahman before being influenced by James Bond and decided to start the surveillance department at the then KLSE
Rumour has it that he has been hanging around Bollywood hotties, thus the new hairstyle
Aznan before he discovered hair salons and that they are staffed by sexy blondes
Still going to the hair salons staffed by sexy blondes but refused to dye the moustache black
The former Chief Internal Auditor, Lew Lup Seong, with his mean look
The “garang” auditor look has been replaced by the “grandfather” look
Izlan in his distinguished gentleman look before retiring
Izlan 10 years after retirement (huh!!!!). Yup, the hair has turned black!!!