The Seven Deadly Sins of Golf



µ    Slow Play

o   Now how many times have you been cursing on the course, when after every shot you have to wait what seems like hours because the flight in front is slow?

Most of the time it is not because the flight in front consists of old people or people who have no handicaps (and should not have been allowed on the course anyway), but people who just simply have no respect for the etiquette of golf. Most clubs generally expect golfers to finish their rounds within 4 and a half hours, but to these people 4 and a half hours is for one bloody hole! Slow play not only spoils the game for the flight mates (though most of the time they are too embarrassed or polite to tell the offending party), but for everyone following the flight.

µ    Not Raking Bunkers

o   How many times have you unfortunately ended up hitting your shot into the bunker to only find the ball in someone else’s footstep. And that someone happened to be genetically linked to big-foot and has left a 5 inch crater in the  bunker which your ball conveniently decided to nestle in? Well, those who play the game by the rule would know that you have to play the ball as it lies. Even a pro will have a big problem trying to get the ball out, so what more lesser mortals like us??

Yes, on most courses the caddies are supposed to rake the bunkers, but you as a player is responsible in making sure your caddy does that. No doubt the guy has been trained, but he doesn’t have a degree in golf course management, and he not only has to carry your bag (if it is a walking course), but to also mark your ball (which is actually not allowed if you are a pro), clean the ball and then put it back again on the green for you to putt (which is again not allowed if you are a pro)!! And how much does he get paid??? RM50 for 5 hours work in the hot sun!!! Malaysian golfers are so damned pampered!!!

µ    Leaving Spike Marks on Greens

o   How many times have you found yourself reaching the green to only find that the greens are full of lines criss-crossing the greens making the greens look like Scarface?? And a lot of the time it is not because Big Momma was playing in front with spikes as sharp as the alligator’s teeth!! But it is because some golfers just do not know how to walk in golf shoes without dragging their feet!! And the spikes (whether soft or hard) are meant to give you balance when you are hitting the ball, not for the purpose of raking the greens!


µ    Talking While Someone is About to Hit the Ball

o   How many times have you found yourself distracted by someone talking when you are about to hit your ball?

Golf is a game that requires a lot of concentration (that’s why the pros say that golf is 90% mental and 10% physical), and precision. But some golfers just don’t understand that and just love to chat away loudly while someone nearby is just about to tee off. Well, I know that some golfers use this as a tactic to rattle their opponents, especially when the betting is big, but common lah, golf is a gentlemen’s game!! You can shout as much as you want (like I do) after your opponent has hit the ball, but not when he is about to hit the ball. You can also casually mention the big pond in front before he takes his stance (like I do, he he).

µ    Not Repairing Divots

o   How many times have you found yourself hitting a perfect drive and then walking to your ball to only discover your ball sitting in a big divot and from the corner of your eyes you can see your opponent smirking?

It is annoying, isn’t it? There you are thinking about how you are going to put it “regulation on”, to only discover that now you are going to need a “cangkul” instead of your nine iron!! And what’s worse?? The guy who made the divot is someone who thinks the bigger the divot the better (I am not referring to you Fahizul, he he!!). A good divot is about the size of a RM1 bill, and should not be more than a quarter inch deep, not one as big as a crater on the moon!!

Yes, it is the caddy whose job is to cover the divot with sand, but it is your responsibility to remind him. And what do you think the sand in the buggy is for, to cover dog shit???

µ    Creating Divot During Practice Swings (now I am referring to Fahizul, he he)

o   Yes, our Bosnian friend is very good at this, believe me. You should see him when he is doing his practice swings at the tee boxes!!!

Practice swings are meant for you to get the hang of the swing, not to practice the actual hitting of the ball (huh, I can hear some people go!!). Just watch the pros lah!!!

µ    Counting Your Strokes Wrongly

o   How many times have you found yourself having to correct your flight mate that he actually scored a double bogey and not a bogey at the last hole?

Yes, there are people that simply cannot count!! And it is not because they have gone senile or don’t have a degree in Mathematics or Accounting, but because they are afraid to lose that they have a tendency to reduce a stroke or two from their actual score!!! Golf is a gentlemen’s game, so be gentlemen about it. You might lose that hole, but golf is a game of 18 holes. And anything can happen in 18 holes!!! Even Michelle Wie scored an 8 on a par-4 second hole at the Sime Darby LPGA 2011!! Sure, she sulked all the way to the end, but she did not put a 7 (which was the strokes that I thought she did) on her score card!! And she’s not even a gentleman, she’s a lady!!!

                   So there you go. If you want to enjoy your golf, and continue having friends who would want to play with you on a regular basis, avoid the above sins.


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